Tag: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

You know one thing that will really make a woman mad Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

You know what makes good hair for a snow man REAL hair. Don’t ask me why, but it works.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

You know something that would really make me applaud A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis How do they do that

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

You know what’s probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests Just a big bag of blood.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

You know what would make a good story Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he’s real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Worship the potato The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship It’s simple, it comes from the earth, and it can kill you if you disobey it.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

You can’t tell me that cowboys, when they’re branding cattle, don’t sort of ‘accidentally’ brand each other every once in a while. It’s their way of letting off stress.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don’t even care, do you.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts