Tag: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE’S GOING

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Some folks say it was a miracle. Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. But I think it was just a lucky swing.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese ‘gems’ from burglars.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Sometimes I think I’d be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder if I’m patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts