Tag: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can’t remember, all rolled into one big ‘thing.’ This is truth, to me.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

To me, there’s no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there’s a globe lying next to him.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

To us, it might look like just a rag. But to the brave, embattled men of the fort, it was more than that. It was a flag of surrender. And after that, it was torn up and used for shoe-shine rags, so the men would look nice for the surrender.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a ‘shell’ if you will. But my shell isn’t made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Too bad you can’t just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you’d be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

Too bad there’s not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you’d probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he’d head off to go fishing. But we wouldn’t be laughing that evening, when he’d come back with some whore he picked up in town.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts