Tag: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby Maybe we’ll never know.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lie down and go to sleep.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When I heard that trees grow a new ‘ring’ for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like that we grow a new layer of skin each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all of our skin layers.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can’t think of a single one, unless you count that rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves. And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When Rick told me he was having trouble with his wife, I had to laugh. Not because of what he said, but because of a joke I thought of. I told him the joke, but he didn’t laugh very much. Some friend HE is.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, ‘Why you stupid, stupid bastard’ Then I drive them out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, ‘Hey, good job.’

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, ‘I like mayonnaise.’ She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.

Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts