Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Whenever I open a door, I pull on the do…
Whenever I open a door, I pull on the doorknob real hard, because isn’t there a saying that if it comes off in your hand, you can rear back and throw it as hard as you can I thought I heard that somewhere.
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Whenever you read a good book, it’s like…
Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Whenever someone asks me to define love,…
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. NOW who’s asking the questions
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Whether they ever find life there or not…
Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Whether they live in an igloo or a grass…
Whether they live in an igloo or a grass shack or a mud hut, people around the world all want the same thing a better house
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Why do the caterpillar and the ant have …
Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Why is it that we will laugh at a man in…
Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won’t laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
You can kidnap me and force me to be you…
You can kidnap me and force me to be your watchdog if you want to. But I’m telling you, I will bark at any sound I hear and it will drive you crazy.
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
You know one thing that will really make…
You know one thing that will really make a woman mad Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep Thoughts